"You may have fallen far, but you'll become invincible on the way back up!" 

Reality TV, especially those involving competition, played a huge role in my life. My love for the genre began with Bug Juice and Legends of the Hidden Temple. However, I never considered it as a career. I was a creative yet curious child who wanted to be a writer or therapist because I was passionate about asking questions that led others to gain new life perspectives. 

Before starting college, I was already published and had won competitions for poetry, short stories, and news articles around the state of Connecticut. During an internship at WVIT, I worked on a small commercial that made me consider production over news. Following graduation, I applied for news jobs without luck, but saw it as confirmation to try out Reality.

In August of 2013, I picked up a gig as a production assistant for American Idol. Even with a 12-hour day of mundane tasks and guiding thousands of contenders around Gillette Stadium, I felt at home. A month later while watching and reenacting the final dance number from the movie Burlesque, I received a call asking me to work on Dancing With The Stars. During the next few years, I stayed busy with retail jobs and short-term production gigs around New England. After working on a 4-week History Channel series, my longest to date, I realized it was time to pursue this career full-time. That meant I had to move elsewhere.

I settled in Atlanta, GA where my career skyrocketed. I quickly became an Associate Producer, then moved up in positions as a Field/ Segment Producer. I ended up working on every single show I ever wanted to and got to travel to places I dreamed of visiting. My successful career proved  that I was not only on my way to bigger and better but I could do anything I set my mind to!

Anyone else used to stare into a lit lamp chanting made-up spells as a child? One of those “spells” came to memory on September 3rd, 2021 at 2:33 am, Aum Vasanti Aum Vinayaki. I tried sounding out the words in order to research their meaning and discovered it was Hindu. Aum is the highest vibration by which the supreme spirit brings all things into manifestation. Vasanti can be seen as Spring-time or a new beginning. Vinayaki is the female form of the Hindu God Ganesh, remover of obstacles. I interpreted the words as, “Vinayaki, I come to you as a highly vibrational being asking you to remove obstacles in the way of my new beginning.” This moment occurred during the week of Ganesh Chaturthi. Learning this information was overwhelming but not shocking(Think of Evie in The Mummy Returns) I have always received messages from my ancestors and felt in-tune with nature and other people.

Whether it’s family, friends, co-workers, mentors, or even public figures, my role has always been to be a voice others could trust for advice or a pair of nonjudgemental ears. However, after being sucker-punched by relationships I believed were solid, I had to cut everyone else off and focus on pouring into myself as much as I poured into others. I took inventory of every aspect of my life and focused on enhancing them. On August 20th, 2022, I made a promise to rebuild myself from inner truth by becoming the highest version of me, mind, body and soul. I wanted to love myself so much that I’d never hold on to anyone or anything just to not feel alone. I even asked the Universe for a blue bird as a sign that I would transform. The very next day, while taking pictures of the clouds from my balcony, a hummingbird popped into frame and stayed for a few moments. After researching the spiritual significance, I knew God had big plans for me but I didn't know it involved a sick sense of humor. 

Reality TV stalled just before the writers' strike which forced me to sit and deal with everything I had suppressed over the years. For the next 8 months, I worked odd jobs that couldn’t sustain the life being a producer afforded me. Bills started piling, debt started accumulating on a rarely used credit card. I was waking up in full-blown panic attacks. All while the apartment below was undergoing a full renovation, 10 am - 6 pm M-F for 5 straight weeks. I had experienced a life-altering depression before and vowed to never get there again. Instead, I cried, journaled, worked out, purged and redecorated my apartment, ate plant-based, believed “My current situation is not my final destination,” developed ways to console a broken heart without having to rely on others, created daily moments of joy, dropped stagnant energy, avoided anything rooted in drama or violence, listened to uplifting music, and chanted Aum Vasanti Aum Vinayaki. 

In May of 2023, I ended up moving back to Connecticut, determined to find a new passion. I considered event planning but found a theater arts company that offered me a position as the Production Manager and creative writing instructor for youth in the community. The program renting out my old middle school was a full-circle moment that made everything more fulfilling. It was there I developed the idea of therapeutic journal prompts to help others break out of personal stagnation. I finally felt content with walking away from the production world altogether. However, money was still tight and that hindered me from taking the next steps. Just 2 weeks after the program ended, a friend encouraged me to interview for the revamped version of the historic 2000s reality TV show, The Surreal Life, filming in the country of Colombia. The unexpected blessing was going to be enough to fund my dreams if I acted fast. 

On August 21st, 2023 I arrived in beautiful Colombia. Once inside of my hotel I saw hummingbirds on the wall but dismissed them as gorgeous art. Days later, I realized I was seeing a ton of graffiti, photography and sculptures depicting the bird and decided to do research. Of the 360 species of the world's hummingbird population approximately half are native to the country. While reading about their spiritual significance, I freaked out remembering the winged-guide on my balcony after making those promises to myself. I realized I had developed an unconditional love for myself and was mentally, physically and spiritually lighter. No longer confined by society's expectations or my own limiting beliefs, I used my personal experiences, reality TV producing techniques and journalism degree to create a program to help others heal and pursue their dreams aggressively through actions of self-commitment.